On the 31st July 2004 it was the hottest day of the year, Tim was everything I’d prayed for in a husband and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for him. As we said our vows I don’t think we expected so much sickness rather than health. But nor did I think my relationship with God would become so deep.
A couple of weeks ago I was really struggling emotionally with my body having a chronic undiagnosed illness that has so many awful symptoms. I was so drained with fatigue , and in so much pain all over I felt unrecognisable to myself. With an illness like this it’s easy to feel like you miss out on living the life that God has given you. I was starting to believe that this sickness was becoming my identity but….
THAT IS NOT WHO I AM!
Through others fiercely praying for me, I received peace and clarity which confirmed that I am Gods masterpiece and this cannot change. He doesn’t see me as worthless and I am not labelled as broken. I hope as you read this it is an encouragement in times of trial and suffering.
I’ve been reading in the Gospel about the women who was bleeding for 12 years , I love that she pushed through the crowds of people who were desperate for his attention. It took her great courage to reach him as she was known as an outcast according to religious law. When I think about her, she must have been so physically weak but in the presence of Jesus she was determined to touch his cloak and receive from him her healing that she had longed for. And with that one touch she was healed. When Jesus asked the crowd who had touched him she must have been terrified that she would be judged. She showed courage and spoke out and the most beautiful interaction took place between her and Jesus. The way he must have looked at her with such compassion stilled her fears and filled her heart. He spoke with love and affirmation declaring “your faith has healed you”.
I hope today that if you are in the eye of the storm, you feel his touch and will be encouraged. Even though life can be so unfair, I know that we can rest in the knowledge that He has “got this”. When I can’t do things and I am frustrated, I have learnt that it is ok to simply rest in His word and most of all I am learning to worship through the pain. Through the storm, God will not waste anything and he will turn it into something good.
When things are really bad, Jesus shows me an abundance of mercy and he suffers with us. I believe that God has the power to heal and so often this healing comes in other ways. Through his compassion I have found hope when I thought things were hopeless, grace in times of despair and contentment when those around me see nothing but chaos. I am now in a deeper Father- daughter relationship with God, we worship him through the storms and trials and all my cries of “why God why?” all those questions are answered. Our “why”? …..turns into worship.
By doing this , my hope is restored and will not dry up, there will be a breakthrough because he will not break his promise to us. It would be so easy to get bitter , I’ve been there and done that. It was like a nights sky without his stars, a very dark dark place. I believe God will and IS using my suffering for His glory and I wonder….when the storm comes…..will we get bitter or better?
If the pain seems endless, its then that we have to make a choice. We can either run from God or run towards God. He told us in the Letter of James that we will have suffering in this life but he also gives us courage when it feels like we can’t take anymore and peace that passes all understanding. We rest in Him and knowing this…I choose to run to God.
‘How great thou art’ is one of my favourite hymns. We had it at our beautiful wedding and it holds so much meaning of how great God is, not just through the good seasons but within the storms too… for he is all that is good! Here is a link to the hymn: https://youtu.be/8BL06fxHPVo.
With my love, Hayley x